Honorable Mentions:

Best New Texture: Roomofdoom by aaargh

This map was, unfortunately, all-but-disqualified for freezing my computer every time I attempted to play it; I could, luckily, play long enough to see this. Author “aaargh” has graced us with clearly the best new texture in any contest entry.

Best (Worst) Music: “The Big Crap Bag” by JustSomeMusicGuy

By default, TBCB had to be disqualified for using DECORATE (though the effect was a lovely touch). However, it did feature the musical equivalent of cramming a large high-speed rotating drill in one ear and a squealing radioactive mutant infant in the other. Even if I didn’t happen to have a thing for trashy, unintelligent and oft-drunk but attractive has-been pop singer women, I would probably still dislike this song even more than “Oops.” Congratulations!

Best Visual Effect: shitty by Nomad

Surreal. Innovative. Big.

The climactic moments of Nomad’s entry present structures to fit all these adjectives. Perhaps you, too, will experience the delighted/horrified laughter that I did.

Best (Crappiest) Disqualifed Entry: “SUCKMAP” by Giftmacher

This map is really, really bad. So bad, in fact, that it can’t be won. No, really. Don’t even try. There’s no exit anywhere in the map, and the first locked door happens to require a key you will not get. It may not be completable, but if this isn’t crappy, I don’t know what is.

Best Puzzle: stupidwad by deathdealer

Thank you, deathdealer. Fatal nearly took this award with the barrel hallway (describable only as “inspired”, but not really a “puzzle”), but this section of stupidwad presents a profound parody of the switch-hunting and copy/paste abuse so prevalent in all level design today, and especially Doom’s.

Best Story: “AASHITTY: The Subtitle That Killed A Thousand Orphan Babies (Not Really, But Really)” by Wills

A number of the entries were accompanied by quite humorous text files, like “Masterpiece of Shit” by LogicDeLuxe, “HELCANYN” by InsanityBringer, and “Hellgate” by Nixont, which all used the standard /idgames format, but were typewritten not in English, but in l33t-/n00b-sp38k.

It is AASHITTY that went all out with this opportunity, however; its title (i.e., its subtitle) is so long that it takes up at least 137% of the text file’s horizontal scroll space and will not even be posted here, and included is a story that is a welcome and quite funny twist on the original Doom story. Well worth a read, and most certainly made for a good laugh.

Best Monster Placement: “Down’s” By Fatal AKA “Commie Bastard”

Of all the work that was put into making these submissions truly terrible, I must say that no amount of work impresses me as much as the monstrosity of stucked cyberdemons, cacodemons, pain elementals, mancubi and revenants in what can only be described as the biggest anti-climax of a monster orgy battle in Doom history. Bonus points for an unexpected effect in ZDoom and derivatives, which just looks amazing.

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