Crappy Map Contest Results!

I promised I’d put up a fancy version of the contest results up on the main page, so here it is!

DOWNLOAD THE MAP PACK HERE: http://www.mediafire.com/?4rnqz2nkwkn

FIRST PLACE WINNER

Darkwave17, “TH3 L33T M4P”

Rusty:

So many of the original Doom levels, and later, the community levels, were designed with the intent of putting the player through Hell. Some of them do a remarkable job at communicating an environment of unholy suffering, all-consuming pain, and endless violence. Unfortunately, though, no map will ever come anywhere near to portraying a true hell as thoroughly as Darkwave’s entry Darkwave17.

This is not hyperbole. Playing this map is an utterly torturous ordeal. Most of the entries had some profoundly bad elements, including massively tall doors/elevators, totally illogical texture choices, rampant cyberdemon abuse, stuck monsters, doors behind doors behind doors behind doors, and hallways the ends of which could barely be seen–but Darkwave17 has ALL of these, and many more which can scarcely be imagined. Nobody abused platform puzzles quite to this extent, for instance, and Darkwave took the time to make everything invisible on the automap.

Darkwave17. Play it, and remember it. This is history being written, and it’s Darkwave to thank. Or to blame.

Ace:

When I signed up to judge for this contest, I had certain expectations in my mind of how the submissions would be. And for most of the submissions, I wasn’t far off the mark. Then I played Darkwave’s submission.

My suggestions for desirable qualities for submissions were pretty vague; the ultimate point I made is that variety is a plus, and the more ways the submissions are crappy, the better. Without a doubt, “TH3 L33T M4P” takes this suggestion and dares to make any honest, decent Doomer wish I had ever made it. Words simply cannot describe the sheer magnitude of suck–the suckitude, if you will–that emanates from this map. If variety is the spice of life, then this particular steaming maggot-infested turd is on fucking fire.

This map is perfectly manufactured to be terrible in nearly every way thinkable. In fact, it’s terrible in ways scientifically proven to be unthinkable. Impossible platforming, major sections hidden by secret doors, traps of all kinds are present; to top it off, the map is essentially the most daunting switch hunt known to man. Make any mistake, and this map WILL punish you–and then rub the wounds in battery acid, barbecue a few live kittens and violate your mother. Scratch that, actually; it does all of this unprovoked. It does so merely by its very existence, to the very finish, a goal which is only attainable in theory.

I think it can be said with the inception of this map that history’s worst Doom WAD has been created. Don’t believe it? Try it for yourself. But be forewarned: you will never feel whole again.

Congratulations, Darkwave. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.